This was a dilemma that I recently faced as my wardrobe consists of a variety of jeans in various states of abuse, a collection of Rip Curl t-shirts and some almost worn out DC shoes trainers. I have a couple of crumpled old shirts, last worn for a funeral and job interview, a suit that was out of fashion when I bought it second-hand ten years ago and a pair of over-sized wellington boots that were won in a raffle. So I was wracking my brains. Was it time to go clothes shopping or could I borrow something suitable from a friend?

I called in on a good friend who suggested that I borrow some of his designer clothes, which I thought would be a great idea. The problem was build, I am quite small and he is enormous. All of his fancy designer clothes were simply far too large. I looked like a kid who’d been let loose in his dads wardrobe. I decided to pop over and see anothe good friend who is a bit closer to my small size.

My good friend Kenny is about my size and he has an enormous collection of clothes. The problem is that Kenny is a flamboyant gay with a taste for garish, fluorescent colors and overly tight, stretchy clothes. He suggested that I borrow a pair of skin tight, lime green part-lycra trousers and a contrasting cropped orange t-shirt with a slogan on the front that read ‘Stop Me and Buy One’. I didn’t think that this would create the right impression with my date so I asked if he had anything else.

That was when Kenny said he had just the thing. A bright blue jumpsuit with a huge collar, studded with rhinestones. I asked Kenny if he was serious and he told me how this was the suit that had gotten him laid on a recent blind date. When I tried it on I looked like a really bad Elvis impersonator so this was not a good suggestion.

Then Kenny showed me another selection of clothes that he described as boring impulse buys that he had never actually worn. When I took a look inside the wardrobe I could see that these were far more suitable than the skintight fluorescent stuff that he had suggested. He had a collection of Nike ACG jackets that he had never worn because they were, in his words, too boring. There was a heap of jeans from Levis, Diesel and other excellent brands and a whole load of shirts, some quite loud, but several that I would happily be seen in.

So my good buddy Kenny really helped me out with a nice outfit that really impressed my date and resulted in her coming home with me, but that is another story. I’ve since bought myself some new clothes and treated Kenny to another tasteless tight fluorescent t-shirt in thanks for lending me the winning combo.

a