It’s truly amazing the number of legitimized dating sites that are online that cater to not just singles, but married people looking for affairs. That’s right, married dating! Flings are nothing new, of course. Affairs have been going on for as long as cavemen have been choosing their significant others. But this well… let me go further.

What is most surprising is the number of “so-called” respected dating services that do encourage men and women to have affairs

Many of these dating services have gotten exposure from shows like “Dr. Phil”, “Today”, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, etc. This does bring up an issue that should be explored. Only because a website gets mentioned widely in mainstream media does not necessaily mean that the message is a wholesome one.

Overall, most therapists and relationship gurus emphatically agree that monogamous relationships are not just good for us, but seem to be part of our nature. Our marriages thrive in harmony. Harmony can only exist in honest effort.

When we fall in love with that special someone and our emotions are corresponded, this does not happen by chance; this seems to be ingrained in general human design. This is what real responsibility and wholesome family values are made of.

But in today’s world, there is a lot of added pressure, stress and confusion heaped upon us. The family unity, along with our inner values, can get lost in a lot of mixed signals. The media is only one example where many of us have gotten lost. When the media becomes the message, then quite often, we will see double standards being applied. When we see celebrities on TV having extra-marital relationships, because we admire them, this can be confusing.

Marriage dating is like walking the razor’s edge, playing with fire, pick your metaphor for dangerous. This simply is a fact. Men and women will usually begin looking around for different reasons, but the effects are generally the same. Profound hurt over betrayal, trust is compromised and often, the marriage will not survive taking extra-marital hits. Most experts concur: Even married dating under the “open marriage” rule, in time, will undermine the larger bond and commitment between husband and wife.

When you recognize that the online dating machine is a multi-million dollar enterprise, it is easier to read between the lines. Most of these services are actualy proclaiming that married dating is fine to engage in. This comes from a financial agenda and nothing else. The competition is very tight for new customers. When married dating is part of the offering, this opens the doors to a whole new market segment for the online dating services, aside from the “singles” market.

Many of us muse and daydream about the “what ifs” that we lack in our day to day. Living out our lives through the eyes of others can, on occasion, even be a good thing.

Married dating will always paint a picture of something better on the other side of the fence. But this is rarely the case when acted upon.

It is true, as time moves forward, that more couples than ever before are ending their marriages in divorce. But there are also more people on the planet than ever before getting married. The number one reason the married couples get divorced today is disillusionment in the relationship. Marriage, like any other genuine human connection, takes work and responsibility. When people start taking their marriages for granted, frequently they don´t know why they are feeling antsy and having second thoughts.

The online dating services that cater to married dating are so appealing because they offer the anonymity of the Internet. Discretion is one of the first key triggers they can offer you. If no one knows who you really are, you can become someone else. After all, there are many others who are having flings through these online dating services.

Consider that the nagging desire to have an extramarital affair is almost always associated with something more profound and deeper that is not being taken care of in the relationship. Working on the real issues together with your spouse will only prove to strengthen the bond between you.

Everyone needs help at one time or another. If the troubles in the relationship seem to heavy to tackle alone, consider consulting a pofessional counselor. Marriage counselors and relationship advisors are trained to manage problems in marriage that are not easy to solve.

The point is that most people have a lot of time and commitment invested in their marriages. Frequently, the children, the impact on their lives and the consequences of our actions on their future need to be taken into consideration. All of your alternatives should be explored before coming to the conclusion that a solution can only be achieved through separation or divorce.

You need to feel that you did everything in your power to make things work. If you don´t, it will come back and bite you in the future.

Married dating will never strengthen a marriage. At best, it may look tantalizing from the outside, but in practice will only cause guilt, pain, shame and distrust. In a short word…DON’T.

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