Is this cheating? Searching personal ads, phoning from ads, meeting for ‘just drinks’ but no sex, kissing etc?

Published in November 22nd, 2009

Lynne asked:

He lives in the BF ad has the yahoo, found in this regard, the test left, gets interfered. Gets the calls, is hidden to communicate. said the meeting with these women as "not a date" He says the need? to communicate with someone not as close with his problems, too stressful to communicate with me why? I get emotional. Been together for 3 + years, living together, not married but have basically blended family, ex-wife is hell for all situations of multiple stressful life of which his attack through. We both wanted to stop working so that? summer we are home with the kids so the kids can go to the activities? they want. Now all that is scared? a babysitter while swindling, believes that isn 't. fraud Blames my weight as a reason to observe. My weight now? pi? the era as I was losing weight in the relationship, but still most less than it was when we met. Effort by his ex and the whole fall from divorce, the new custody battle, a fire house and more financial worries? wants late night dinner at which all lead to weight gain. Said the lame justifications.

Tags: Life Hell, Meeting Women, Relationship

28 users responded in " Is this cheating? Searching personal ads, phoning from ads, meeting for ‘just drinks’ but no sex, kissing etc? "

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goldlust74 said, in November 23rd, 2009 at 3:33 am

anything you feel you have to keep secret from your partner is cheating.

T Time said, in November 24th, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Just because there’s no intercourse, it is emotional cheating which means your relationship is in real trouble.
You deserve better, girl.

crackerhammermike said, in November 27th, 2009 at 7:20 am

No. That’s called meeting new people.

sankyfinatra said, in November 27th, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Ummmm, after much thought I have to conclude that , yes, it is cheating.

suro25 said, in November 29th, 2009 at 12:21 pm

he is testing the waters to see if there is anything better on the market at this time. Get rid of him if he is doing all that than he is looking to find new romance elsewhere.
suro

Robert C said, in November 29th, 2009 at 6:14 pm

It’s obvious you need to get out of it.

Bob R said, in November 30th, 2009 at 4:11 am

Don’t ever marry this guy.

MsKitty said, in December 3rd, 2009 at 5:09 am

There is no excuse for his behavior…he is looking elsewhere and losing interest in you…you probably need to sit him down and tell it like it is.

chris h said, in December 5th, 2009 at 2:43 am

YES!
u better tell her

abby x said, in December 6th, 2009 at 2:29 pm

yes. this guy is making you feel like shit, you should only be with him if it makes you happy
hope everythin goes well
x

gands4ever said, in December 8th, 2009 at 4:23 am

seems like he is looking to me so i think if i were you i would look elsewhere myself

alexia said, in December 9th, 2009 at 11:23 pm

He is stressed but he has no right to treat you that way. I would say leave him. then he will realize what he lost by cheating on you.

yankee302000 said, in December 10th, 2009 at 8:06 pm

If they have to go to the other room to talk on the phone, then there’s something up…

sweet said, in December 14th, 2009 at 2:54 am

yes, i think this is cheating. i also think you need a vacation from all that you’ve listed. this is way too much for one person to handle.

wendy_da_goodlil_witch said, in December 15th, 2009 at 1:47 am

yes it is cheating. he’s not likely to stop either. stress can cause weight gain, even if you don’t overeat. he’s using you to care for his kids so he can go have a good time. dump him. he won’t change.

Ross James said, in December 15th, 2009 at 2:11 am

Yep. It’s cheating. He’s shopping for a replacement for you. Time for you to bail out. Nobody needs that kind of grief in their life. If you stay be prepared for more of the same. Don’t complain unless you are willing to do something about it.

truthislight said, in December 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am

What are his intentions with these women? If he gets calls and has to hide to have the conversation, something is wrong! Why do you have to stay home and babysit; can’t he stay home while you go out and have fun with friends? Use your eyes for a minute and not your heart. I think you see all you need to see to make the best decision for you and your family.

Unique said, in December 19th, 2009 at 8:50 am

Yes it’s cheating, but I think you knew that deep down in you heart anyway. You probably noticed the change and didn’t want to accept it initially. I think if the two of you could work on the relationship (if he’s interested), then try to reconcile and put the spark back in it. Otherwise, don’t stick around just because you have kids and years invested because you will be unhappy in the long run.

lisa said, in December 21st, 2009 at 8:02 am

All the things you listed are wrong for a man to do who is in a relationship.He’s abusing you emotionally.Don’t lose weight to keep him. do it for yourself if you even want to lose weight.Just because a women gains a few pounds doesn’t give a man the right to cheat, he sounds like an ass.Your the mother of his children he should respect you.

Bo said, in December 22nd, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Ask his ex why they seperated.

domnika said, in December 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 am

Damn,that a difficult situation…I guess in this case not to make him feel comfortable…you’re too mummy with him,make him dinner,stay with kids…is there something that you like in all this or is it all just cos you got used to him…He wants to see other women to boost his ego,that he still didn’t loose it…I mean blaming you for his problems is not a solution.Either you have to make a big decision and step out of the role of baby-sitter for him and his kids and start all over…or suffer the consequnces and getting worse,maybe evenend up cheated and used…sorry,but that is my opinion…hope i didn’t make too painful

Brian Mcgee said, in December 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 pm

It sound like a form of cheating…. emotional rather an physical though; however can be very dangerous…
First of all, if he needs someone to talk to it should be you. Maybe you need to try to let him talk to you about problems without “getting emotional” as he puts it, then he’ll have no excuse to go to these other women. If you can’t talk about things sensibly and work out problems together then where does that leave you for the future?
Good luck

Glenn J said, in December 25th, 2009 at 5:43 am

Lynne, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and smells like a duck, is it a swan?

If these kids are your kids, take em and go. If they are not, give em back and leave or kick him out.

He makes issues of your weight and has covert phone buddies and online friends he meets, then he is stepping out on you even if he isn’t screwing them.

You are his babysitter. This goes beyond whether or not you are the fat, needy girlfriend. Sounds like you have a pretty low self-image, so I suggest you find someone to discuss your problems with, and if you are concerned about your weight and the loyalty of your man, then there is only one person who can change those things..you.

Just don’t go at it half-assed. Go all the way. If you want to lose weight, take all the money you would waste on the man and buy a gym membership and a personal trainer to ensure you don’t stop going.

Mona Lisa said, in December 28th, 2009 at 1:13 pm

You are being treated with enormous disrespect, and you are being emotionally abused by this man. Also, yes, he is cheating. There is no excuse for this behavior–not your weight, or anything else.

The question is what you do about it. You will certainly receive a lot of advice to leave, and I agree with that. But I also hope that you will get some individual professional counseling. (I doubt he will go to couples counseling.)

Good luck with this.

ninebadthings said, in December 29th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

We all have our own definition of cheating. To me having drinks is a date, kissing is cheating. Going to bars or making a yahoo ad is shopping. The bottom line is that the guy is over you and is just hanging around until he finds someone new. Why make it that easy for him? Loose some weight and find someone with a little more class.

bks said, in December 31st, 2009 at 9:54 pm

yes! it could turn in to something more, And he should not be talking to any other female about your personal problems he should be trying to work them out with you not some eles. Stop it before something does start.

wattie said, in January 5th, 2010 at 6:03 pm

He is an @rsehole! Get out now while you still have a shred of dignity left! He is not only treating you like dirt by looking for other women but he’s using the oldest and dirtiest trick in the book by trying to turn it around on you! Someone who loves you would never hurt you and damage your ego just so that they can get their own way!
Face up to the fact that this guy is a scumbag who is taking you for an idiot who will just stay with him and put up with his cr*p if he keeps chipping away at your self esteem and making you believe he is doing you a favour by being with you.
This sort of thing is so cliched and predictible and is usually done by selfish@ards who have never grown up.Let’s face it, this guy thinks he’s cleverer than you and can get you to do exactly what he wants!You should give him the shock of his life and kick him out!!! Then maybe he’ll realise that you aren’t as stupid as he took you for.
This guy has absolutely no respect for you and he probably doesn’t have respect for any woman! Get rid of him and find some self confidence and eventually you will find someone who really loves you and is not just trying to manipulate you.
Good Luck x.

Just Natalie K said, in January 6th, 2010 at 9:28 am

If you feel like your relationship is in jeopardy due to his behavior then you must take steps to leave what seems to be a very emotionally abusive relationship. Your weight does not seem to be the issue but a deflection for when he gets caught doing things that are considered “cheating” or “wrong”, there for he gets defensive. I feel leaving is your only choice before things start to get psychical.

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Is this cheating? Searching personal ads, phoning from ads, meeting for ‘just drinks’ but no sex, kissing etc?

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