So, you are all excited about your new love interest. You are physically attracted to them, they are smart, and you just have an overall good feeling about it. Only problem is, you are the rebound fall guy (girl). What should you do?

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Often rebound relationships can be a band aid solution for the pain and hurt inflicted by the previous lover. If the person getting involved in the new relationship was the one to end the old one, I would be less worried. Usually people have been thinking of ending a relationship for ages before the event actually happens. By the time they get to finish it, they may have worked through their feelings and be ready to move on.

This doesn’t apply to the person who didn’t instigate the previous breakup and becomes quickly involved in a new relationship. Some people cannot bear to be on their own so will flit from person to person in an effort to avoid dealing with the issues leading to the breakup. They are used to being part of a couple. They have an inherent need for someone to love them and need them and hence they can become deeply emotionally involved very quickly. Ironically this is often the reason for the rebound relationship breaking up as the new partner feels swapped by the level of neediness.

Rebounding is not always a conscious act. In fact, if you tell this person that he or she is rebounding, you might get a strange look like you are from another planet. If you feel like you want to bring up the subject, do so with kid gloves. You do not what to upset him or her by bringing something to light that they are not interested in seeing. Not only is being alone painful for them, but they are also likely to resent being called out for rebounding.

If you feel compelled to be with this person right now, please move forward with great care. Do yourself a huge favor and do not build up a lot of expectation. Do not go convincing yourself that this person is ‘the one’ you have been looking for. Do not go thinking they are your soul mate. If you do, you are only setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. This person is not capable of thinking straight right now.

It is a little like grieving – there is a process that you must go through in order to emerge a stronger person at the end of it.  For most people divorce and the breakup of a partnership means the end of a dream even if you were the one to instigate the break up. Everyone will have some feelings of regret if only for not having the fairytale ending.

If you do find yourself involved with someone who you suspect is on the rebound, gently advise them to spend some time on their own working through their emotions. Encourage them to date other people. Keep in contact with them if you are interested in a long term relationship. If you two are destined to be together, it will happen although maybe not right away. This is really the only way to ensure how a rebound relationship can work for you.

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