Can’t see myself dating again. Is this wrong?

Published in May 30th, 2009

IveBeenThere asked:

I thought that my second wife was my soul companion. I thought that this union was a comparison made in heaven. I was wrong. After 7 years of testing to do what should be the perfect job for me are union divorced yet. I 'M I said 'the m. a pleasant and kind people I know think I 'm a good person. I have most of the physical custody of my son and I am grateful for that. I have a new apartment and I 'm saving for a house to buy for my son and I. My home life is now peaceful and my job pays the bills. Life is good in many ways so what 's the problem. The problem is when I think of dating again and starting another relationship. I just can 't you see it. I 'M 48 years and there are plenty of women out there but when I see ads and test personnel to imagine dating again I get off. I 'VE the hours divorced only a few months and the whole process was diabolical. This is the wrong way to consider?

Tags: Dating, Personals Ads, Soul Mate

23 users responded in " Can’t see myself dating again. Is this wrong? "

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Stephen H. said, in June 1st, 2009 at 4:09 am

In my mind your mistake is in your first sentence. I don’t believe in “soul mates.” There are several women out there that you would be perfectly happy with and I understand that you don’t want to go through the whole dating scene again, but hang in there man. You will find someone. Someone who will love you for you and be committed to you. It is just gonna take time.

Billie H said, in June 3rd, 2009 at 10:29 am

Just take a break from a social life. Focus on your now and present priorotoies. Sooner or later, it’ll happen. Don’t try to force it.

nurse ratchet said, in June 3rd, 2009 at 3:57 pm

Not wrong at all. And if the right woman comes along, you will most likely change the way you feel.

You do not have to date to be happy. Spend the quality time with your son. You will never regret that. Maybe someday you will want some female companionship, but maybe you won’t, too.

PS I too believe in soul mates. But there can be more than one.

llkm4 said, in June 3rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm

I think you are absolutely right in not wanting to date again. I think you should give yourself a break from the whole dating scene. Just go out and have fun.

Johanna said, in June 4th, 2009 at 7:55 pm

Absolutely not. It is how I am living now. No more drama for me, just peace and freedom. I’ll not give my heart again, only to have it broken. By the way, I had the same “perfect” second marriage.

LOVE_FOREVER_NOT_5317 said, in June 5th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

look… i have a 52 year old bf i am 18 i think there is someone out there for everyone and if your a nice guy and sweet you should find someone that likes kids and is as sweet as u are… my bf has kids and is a truck driver i love kids and deal with his leaving for the day… see all people are not bad just wait a while , calm down, and relax!!! you will find the right person!!!

kim t said, in June 7th, 2009 at 6:36 pm

There’s nothing wrong with this, in due time get out and date again if you want. I understand what you are saying here I just got divorced after 31 years, I have everything the way I want it. and it’s peaceful.

Kim said, in June 9th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

It makes sense that after two marriages the didn’t work out… that you are just not interested in giving it another shot. There is nothing wrong with that and it is not unexpected. Just take some time to focus on yourself. Don’t concern yourself with dating right now. After all, it has only been a few months since your divorce. It takes time to heal and move on. Just because your home is stable and the bills are in order doesn’t mean that emotionally you are ready to begin a relationship. Be patient and open minded… you never know what might happen in your future!.

STACEY O said, in June 10th, 2009 at 2:58 am

No, nothings wrong with that. You are content right now enjoy and love yourself. Think of it as preparation for your true soul mate. Good luck.

reddevilbloodymary said, in June 11th, 2009 at 4:51 pm

How could that possibly be wrong, perhaps it was the rush to be in a relationship that got you two divorces and now you’ve matured enough to realize that you NEED to be on your own for a while before you can be with someone else.

Focus on raising your son, not your love life.

Mrs. Whorton said, in June 14th, 2009 at 3:19 pm

No your hurt …… you’ll find someone when you least expect it, or when your not looking, it always happens like that

Job1000 said, in June 16th, 2009 at 4:28 am

H e l l no. Save money, buy toys, dont EVER get married again. NEVER !!!!!!

paula t. said, in June 19th, 2009 at 5:17 am

there is nothing wrong with just having friends, you don’t have to be in a relationship to be complete or to have a life. just enjoy your son and your peaceful life.

wilma s said, in June 21st, 2009 at 10:47 pm

No it is not..give your self time to heal..enjoy your personal time by your self and your son. People jump to quick after divorce..Best to you both

tara j said, in June 23rd, 2009 at 6:17 pm

You’ve been hurt. And it’s only been a few months since you were deeply hurt … the wounds are still raw .. so it seems you may not be ready yet.

Give yourself time. Time .. is the healer of most things.

It sounds like your second mariage was great for you .. so the hurt must have been terrible. You probably cannot completely recover from this hurt easily .. nor quickly. You need time.

For now .. just put the thought of a new love out of your mind. The personal ads are not the best place to look for love.

Give yourself some free time. Don’t look for love. Don’t even let it dwell on your mind. Take this time to heal .. enjoy your son .. and work on getting your new home.

I have always heard that a person will find love – when they stop looking for it.

You are just simply not ready yet. Let yourself get over all the hurt .. but don’t sit around and harp on the past … go forward with your life. Put a lot of fun things in your life with your son .. go fishing, etc .. do guy things together.

You have the opportunity to begin anew .. with everything. Consider this as a positive & good thing.

When you recover from this – you will be ready for a new relationship that you could really enjoy .. and you won’t have the past breaking your heart while you are with someone new.

You can do it .. just ‘back-off’ from starting a new relationship now .. and let yourself heal. When you do this, things will be different.

To answer your question .. it is not a wrong way to feel. You’ve had a lot of hurt. Sometimes things like this leaves a bad feeling . Just allow yourself to get over it.

Make sure you allow yourself to move forward – and go on with your life.

Just know .. you have to try .. and it takes TIME.

One day, the sun will shine again for you.

looneybin90 said, in June 26th, 2009 at 9:50 pm

Right now it’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way. After a divorce it takes some time for the wounds to heal. That doesn’t mean that at some point down the road you won’t feel like dating again, if and when that time comes you will know you are ready to get back out there again.

Also, I do agree with the person who said that there is no such thing as a “soulmate”. There are tons of women you could have successful relationships with if you wanted to do so!

pinkaqualove said, in June 30th, 2009 at 8:37 am

Its not wrong at all to be divorced twice will probably do that to you what ever you decided take your sons feelings into consideration

spanishrosee said, in July 3rd, 2009 at 4:33 am

I understand what your feeling a 100%. Unlike you I was not married but engaged to a man I thought was my soulemate. Unfortunatley he was not. In retrospect the break up was for the best. It takes time though, and a it also takes a lot of pain and self discovery. So what if you dont want to date yet? There is no time limit on heartache and getting better. I think you are doing the best you can by taking care of your son and yourself. Your child at the moment is the most important thing in the world and as long as he is a happy and in a nurturing atmosphere then thats all that matters. Put more time into yourself. Go to the park with your son, baseball games, movies. Involve yourself in his school life. Eventually you will wake up one day and realize that you no longer hurt and feel the way you do towards dating. That barrier will be down and life will change. Who know’s you might just meet the “right woman” for you through your son. In the meantime chin up and may you feel better soon.

Alpana K said, in July 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 am

There is nothing wrong in feeling that way. Wallow in it for some time and give yourself the space and time u need. Build a bond with your son….. take him and go away for some time for a holiday or some thing like that…. travel is the best medicene. the problem is that like me u are also looking for a perfect world and dont understand why u dont get it. U feel cheated at the end of the day dont you? i understand perfectly…..Look at the positive side u are your own master… live life on your terms…… Smile away the blues

NICE said, in July 6th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Just focus on your son some people have no luck in dating.

carmey1173 said, in July 6th, 2009 at 6:04 pm

your not wrong at all . You really need to take time to find yourself again. I’m sure the divorce is very hard on your son also so why not spend more time with him. Who knows this may be just what ya’ll need to heal and move forward.

radar_ratt said, in July 8th, 2009 at 8:59 pm

You may be one of the very few sane men out there! You obviously have experienced “todays’ woman and found out that they aren’t worth their weight in doo-doo. Not to mention personals are ridiculous….the only women on those (who aren’t overweight) are idiots who want to party, conquer the world, or just find some other victim to play her mind games on. There are no more good women out there

Kazy said, in July 9th, 2009 at 1:11 am

no, it makes perfect sense. Just enjoy you and your son right now. You’ll know when your ready.

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