There are a lot of things you may instinctively want to do when you partner breaks up with you, but it’s important to your future that you choose your actions carefully. The reactions you may naturally do may not necessarily be the best ones, and in fact they usually aren’t…so I’m going to help you out with a few tips.

There are a lot of mistakes people make just on instinct when they’re faced with a situation like being dumped by somebody you’re still in love with. Some of these mistakes are worse than others, but I’ll lay out the main ones people make so that you can avoid driving deeper nails into the lid of the coffin of your relationship.

  1. Immediately jumping on your ex trying to get back together with him/her. This is so completely against the rules it’s not even funny, yet the vast majority of us fall right into this trap. Putting too much pressure on somebody who at this particular moment probably doesn’t like you that much just isn’t a good idea. It’s going to drive your ex further away, perhaps even to a place that’s unreachable.
  2. Thinking that it’s your ex’s fault. If you got dumped, the problem’s with you. I know that sounds harsh and you probably hate me right now, but keep reading. Chalk this breakup up to a learning experience, and use it to figure out what you’re doing wrong…and FIX it! So you have some issues to work out, work them out! A soulcrushing breakup can be the best thing to happen to you in your life, if only you use it as fuel to give yourself a needed renovation.
  3. Pretending to be a better person to get your ex back, then dropping it once he/she IS back. In order for the second time around to end up any better than the first, you kinda have to STAY changed. If you lie to your ex to get him/her to come back to you, he/she is going to realize it as soon as you start making the same old mistakes again, and dump you flat again. Honestly, you’d deserve it.
  4. Hitting the gas too fast on the reunion process. Every person involved in a breakup is hurting…it’s critical not to take things too quickly, or you run the very serious risk of pushing too hard and making your ex withdraw even more from you. Obviously this is NOT in your interest, so try to take things at a pace that suits your ex. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

These are the four biggest things that can hurt your chances of getting your ex back. Now, this isn’t everything to be careful of…but these main pitfalls are the ones that have the most potential to ruin the likelihood of pulling through this struggle and coming out on top.

Remember at all times that there are a lot of feelings flying around in a breakup, and not just your own. Your ex is going to be hit with this big mass of emotions and confusion as well, so it’s important not to push them too far or they’ll become unreachable. Go easy on your ex, it’s really the only way to get him/her back.

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